A letter to you.

Hey you.

How'r things going in your life? I suppose you will have to take that as a rhetorical question, because were not really having a conversation per se. Nonetheless, I do hope life is treating you well.

Right now, I am trying to decide if this letter to you should be small talk or a "SERIOUS CONFESSIONAL MONOLOGUE". If the former, I could carry on nicely, making silly jokes, and make-believing that I am carrying out a clever bantersome dialogue with you, but tragically, that's just delusional.

Let us talk about you for a while. Here are a few observations that I have about you:

*You seem both preoccupied and aimless, at the same time. What's that all about?
*You haven't been giving me much feedback. I hear a few muttered thanks/complaints here and there, but you haven't chastised me, praised me, challenged me, questioned me, strongly agreed with me, confronted me, hugged me, or ripped me a new one.
*Why are you postponing joy?


So, as for myself, I probably need to be a better friend to you for you to be a better friend to me. Most exothermic chemical reactions require an input of energy before any energy is released.

I am not an island, perhaps a penisula or an isthmus~but I am certainly not an island. The fact that you are reading these words is proof that human connection exists between us.

I feel that life is moving a little too slowly than it should. I want to "hit the trail". I want to "apply to gradschools". I want to work diligently+creatively on some sort of research but right now I am sitting in a library writing this letter to you. I spent pretty much the entire day pouring hot proteins, fats, caffeine and sugars into containers for a lot of ignorant and unappreciative humans to drink. This isn't the type of chemistry I signed up for![don't get me wrong, I love my job and am very glad to have it!], but isn't there more that I am supposed to do?

Should I focus on living well right now, or keep pushing myself higher up and further in? You should write me back. I want you to be honest.
********
Here's a big idea in my head right now. If you want to hear it, keep reading.

A:
When I work at SBUX, there is always many cakes and sweets to snack upon. You name it: gingerbread, scones, doughnuts, danishes, chocolate loafs.... Not to mention the drinks, 'Pumpkin Spice Latte', 'Cinnamon Dolce L', 'Coffee con Leche'. I generally snack on these little morsels of flavor here and there all the day long.
This is my observation: My body begins to crave some thing substantial.Something of substance, something that's not whipped cream and frosting. I crave bread and meat. Food for a man. Protein your body rips apart and makes ATP out of. Give me something substantial.

B:
Last night I went to a party. There were some waxing philosophers there. They were angry. They were atheists. They were feminists. They were anti-God and anti-Starbucks and anti-Male. Here are some quotes I heard from just one girl:

"My grandparents survived the holocaust, so it's impossible for me to believe in God."
"Well, all of the the people in my family have PHD's in science and they rigidly don't believe in God, so I don't believe in God"
"what's so wrong with selfishness? It's what all society is based on anyway."
"I guess 'ethics' are ok, but "morals"? NO WAY!"
"I don't want to have babies, ok! And I don't want you telling me that I might want babies in the future, it's very offensive to me! And I defiantly don't want you telling me there is a God! That's very offensive"
"Ok, I am the philosophy major here, so I am the expert on this topic!"
"Jody, get over here and tell Chris your opinion of X-Y-ism!"
"Nothing proves anything, OK!?"
This conversation was so unsatisfying. It was about argumentation. It was about finding a winner and a loser rather than finding the truth. It was fluff. I almost regret even listening to it.


C:
I have been asking alot of people what the difference in their mind is between a "good base line" and a base line that's so good that it "hits you in the gut". I don't want sensationalism. I don't want the appearance of quality, I want the genuine article. I don't want to just write some Ohrwurm, I want something that a hungry listener can sing their teeth into.


I want to write music that sounds like the taste of slowcooked beef. I want to write words that peel the thin veneer that individuals hide behind and use for their flimsy excuses. I want to hit a nerve. I want to make things that last. I want make things be as simple as possible, but no more simple that that. I want to kill off all the lies that are choking us. I want to reduce rust back to iron.

more words

Cheer the Blue Monster
***
It's the way we were in those days
nine per boat
traveling lightly

It's a relic of the times and
the procrustean memory of the ages
voracious wolves fed upon veracious sages

our fleeting minds fixated on mercurial thoughts
imbibing shards of wisdom we found between the cracks
and underneath the darker things

It's strange; the taciturn fallout was
as before, a prerequisite for rebirth
a new life rubbed into the marrow

soon we found life brought down;
a sledgehammer of absurdity
and the seeds crystallized in our stomachs

we muttered our gratitude
and in sullen haze it left us
it never seemed intrinsically worthwhile


*******************************************

Refractions of an old year...

So, the earth has rotated two thousand and seven times around the sun since a guy named Jesus was born.

Well, not really...BUT LETS DRINK TONS OF ALCOHOL AND SHOOT OFF EXPLOSIVES ANYWAY!

Right now, I am slouching on a sofa, half sitting/half lying in Clutter and Brandon's house. Last night was pretty interesting. We went to some persons house that we barely know, and danced and chatted with various hipsters and freaks and squares and suchandsuch. I gladly volunteered to be the DD. (no, that doesn't mean 'drunk driver!'). I got kissed by some random people. Good thing I am up on my cootie shots though. We then went to this "House Show" on Race Street next to the Greek orthodox Church. These guys are really punk rock. There's was hardly anything in their house except for a couple of dirty mattresses, band equipment and the perfunctory "Das Kapital" and other suchandsuch. "BATHOUSE" sounded like a cast-iron ball of noise shot right into your gut-essentially punk rock at it's best. My friend Alan showed up. This was our conversation:

Me: HEY AL....
BATHOUSE: BRHAKRKJKJ! CHKCHKCHKLCHK! CRASHCRASH EEEK EEEK EEEK!
Alan: HAPPY NE....
BATHOUSE: CLANCLANCLANGGGGGGGdggdggdggdgg!dgdgekkekkekk!JUGGJUGJUG!
Me: GREAT SHOW!
BATHOUSE:POPPRAPPOPOPOPOPNEERWEROOWWWNEEROWOWOWOWOWOWO!
.

***********

So i took my GRE the other day. I am going to take it again. I really goofed on the verbal section. There were 30 questions/30 min. The test is "Computer Adaptive" which means that if you get a question right, they throw you a harder one, and vice versa. I got greedy and tried to get everything right and ran out of time; I only got to question 21. I think I got about 21 right as well, but not finishing the section hurt me severely. By the time I got to question 21, they were asking me questions like

Jejive:Supersarphadontic::

A. Marco Polo:Bill Bryson::
B. Cloning:Fundamental Dogma of Microbiology::
C. Antitaciturn:Cirlcetree::
D. BigBang Theory:Grand Unification Theory::
E. Your Mama:Your Mama::

but, I did alright on the math section (730/800) which is more important for my field anyway. So it goes...blah blah blah.

***************************************

Here's one of my new years resolutions:

"never by active choice become so busy that you cannot read"
*********************************************************

You should recycle.

So, my life has entailed little more than studing for the GRE.
I feel like someone from the fine state of Vermont has tapped my skull and is harvesting syrup from the cranium. BLAH BLAH BLOG.

The highlights of late have been too awesome to mention.

I had to make this cutesy sign for Starbucks to display our new Coffee of the Week (COW) called "ETHIOPIAN SIDAMO"

The SIREN'S EYE had little to say about how i made the sign, so I took some artistic licence. I thought i did a pretty good job on it, I wrote the name out in a cool font that would have made Strongbad proud, I came up with a sweet little slogan ("Subtle yet Sophisticated"). When I finished, I hung the sign up with pride.

2 hours later, Scott was like "YOU WROTE ETHIOPAN SIDAMO!!!! HAHAHA!".

so embarrasing...

Anywhoo...

i love you.

zach

Holi-daze

Hello Fellow Human Beings:

So, here's the plan: I am over at my lady friend clutters house and were zapping CD's we don't like anymore with microwave energy. KORN, Everclear, Dave Matthews Band CD's are all going to make fine additions to the CD CHRISTMAS TREE to be attached to the wall. It's made with
Σ (1+n) ; CD's where n= 0-9 ish rows, so were' going to need quite a few.

Life here in Zach land has been positively "cool". It seems strange to not be in school. ( could I be 'too cool for school?") I have been trying to tackle some fairly ambitious books, most of them pertaining to theoretical physics and quantum chemistry. (I can only grasp ~30-40% of what I am reading, but you have to start somewhere, right?).

I have also been studying for the GRE. In many ways, this test is very similar to the SAT, a verbal and math section, 800 points each. There's also a writing section which makes me very nervous.

Here are my future plans:

Jan 1- Mar 10: Work, music, read, work, read, sleep, repeat. In this period of time, I would love to go on some road trips with you or to visit you. Write me!

Mar 11- Aug/Sept: Appalachian Trail. walk walk walk walk walk sleep repeat...I would love to have company on the trail. I think you should meet me in Virginia or Vermont during your Spring break/Summer break and we should walk together for a spell. I will try to blog during my trip.

Sept:--> Grad school or Undergrad school (contingent on several factors out of my control right now.

So, that's it.

I love you.

Zach

THE FUTURE IS NOW!

Hello, Haldo, Heaveno

Greetings human beings

no kidding as i wrote the last sentance, a cop( who looks very much like the R+B artist "Usher") came up behind me and said "the library is about to close" as he tapped his finger on an imaginary watch.


So, I am done with school. I turned in two papers today to the professer who recently asked me this question:

"you don't write much, do you?"

um...

awkward silence

Me: "well, yes, i do, but what i write isn't exactly "scientific""

awkward silence

Dr. Beam: "well, you have improved"

So, the lights just went off. Adios

love, zach

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 73% Stability 80% Orderliness 43% Accommodation 76% Interdependence 36% Intellectual 90% Mystical 76% Artistic 90% Religious 23% Hedonism 43% Materialism 23% Narcissism 83% Adventurousness 90% Work ethic 56% Self absorbed 16% Conflict seeking 43% Need to dominate 63% Romantic 23% Avoidant 43% Anti-authority 63% Wealth 50% Dependency 16% Change averse 10% Cautiousness 70% Individuality 63% Sexuality 63% Peter pan complex 36% Physical security 90% Physical Fitness 84% Histrionic 30% Paranoia 36% Vanity 36% Hypersensitivity 16% Female cliche 43%

Grey matter frappachino

Haldo.

So, I find myself in the reading room at 3.15 on a Monday morning. I've been working on this stupid paper all night (after I worked a full shift a SBUX). At one point, the computer erased about 2 hours of work paper. It's is real page turner. It's called

"Attempted Preparation of 3-hydroxy-1-(2-naphthyl)-3,3-diphenylpropanone oxime and 3-hydroxy(4-methoxyphenyl), 2-naphthylpropanone oxime Via Aldol Condensations."

My guess is that it's as exciting as counting hair follicles on roadkill.



So, two questions that people have been asking me of late are:

1. What are you doing with your life?
2. Could I get EXTRA whip-cream on my java-chip-frappachino?

to the first question, I typically just conjure up a little story on the spot, something like, "Oh, I plan on doing research to develop antidotes for neurotoxins" or "Im about to leave on a spiritual quest to Madagascar, to live amongst the Taumbuktingo-tsk- people."

for question 2, I just nod and and put more 36% milkfat on top of their 24 oz of heaven.

So today, this skinny chick walks in SBX and orders a iced-venti-soy-white mocha-latte, add 3 shots. That means she drank six shot of espresso. About 15 min later, she came back to the bar, and ordered the exact same drink. That's a total of 12 shots or about 1.2 g caffeine. That's more than I ever made of 3-hydroxy(4-methoxyphenyl), 2-naphthylpropanone oxime. Crazy.

In my next blog, I might give a more factual answer to question 1. We'll see!

(what am I, schitzo? Referring to myself as "we"?)

Eriochrome Black T

Hey You.

So I guess I am a kolludge graduate or something. This weeks been silly, final exams, trying to move out of my apartment, fighting with other students to do last minute NMR, scurrying around like a varmit.

But, it's so nice now. I listen to Echoes. John T. Loberto deep voice occasionally punctuates hypnotic drum textures and shifting soundscapes. Even so, it's quiet. I am just doing some light-duty thinking about stuff.

Clutter got ahold of some spray paint today, we used it successfully to wash over the stains on my wall from the time the bottle of magenta hair dye exploded. Hooray. It always tickled me how Matt THE BODY Ahmadi got such a kick out of what I scrawled on the wall; "Jackson Polluck was here". I didn't even think it was funny, but Matt would sometimes be half-drunk in my bathroom giggling, bent over like some sort of Sousa-phone.

I ate some cheap (but very yummi) 'spicy roll' sushi with my friend Alan Wilder today. He's graduating too. He told me how happy he is to "be able to read and meditate". He's dabbling with philosophical Buddhism. He said he regrets that his parent let him watch so much TV.

By the way, there's no point to this blog. I am not planning on drawing any conclusion. Don't expect any insight. If you want that, click the X in the upper right corner of your view, and go meditate. I am not e e cummings. I am not your khaki pants. Irrationally, I reasonlessly ramble. Your wasting your time reading even the next word:

"ephemeral"

two poems

*************************************
"Backspace"

It's eventually going to displace you
this is acctual evidence of what we do
to each other
"turn about from your evil ways"
stops the conversation dead these days
voices stop as cockroaches under
high pressure sodium

Cold Logos; death of the darker days
what grisly century we just eek'd past
God dosn't die, no matter how many flowers
fall
upon
His Grave

The nighttime suspends
genuinly new-nightmarish horrors
Even as these dead days never change
desert sand horisions converging to
dusky skies bloated with inky eels


****************
"firecracker"

the arms race goes microscale
"smart bombs",
all the favorable attributes
of a human being,
standing by
ready to die

To Remember...

The weather grey and sullen. I am drinking "Arabia Mocha Sanani" coffee from my weekly markout. It's incredibly bold and complex. It's funny how I feel mild and simple right now, the antithesis of what I am putting into my body. If only if I could osmotically absorb these characteristics from this exotic coffee. As if it was an elixer of of something or other.

My stint of working for starbucks, a 12, 000 + store strong coffee juggernaut, has been nothing short of fascinating. I had lots of reservations about working for SB, and I still do. I am glad for the job. After tips, I make about 10-11$/hour. I have learned all sorts of facts about coffee, like what size grounds should be for a certain type of brewer, or to expound the mantra "Geography is Flavor". Starbucks even has this thing called "The Aroma Lab" that consists of 9 bottles of aromatic capsules that smell "earthy" or "roasty". Before I began the job, I dreamt that there was a secret chemistry lab in the back room, and it was my job to make various concoctive beverages for hapless customers to imbibe. It's sort of true I guess. I have invented a couple of new drinks. I made Brandon this drink called I called "The Pentagram". In starbucks speak, it would be called a:
****

"five shot venti hazelnut breve-style with whip and caramel drizzle no foam latte"

****
I had a sip. It was very good.

The downside of SB is that it is creepy and cultlike. There is this book called "The Sirens Eye" which sees all and conjures up Lord of the Rings imagery. It's purpose is to basically homogeneous all stores to create uniformity, and squash individuality.

So. I am going to go do something else now, I don't know what though.

love, zach

There and back again, a miniature giants tale.

Hello.
Today, I spied on North Korea, and did a pseudo-scientific scociological experiment.

Today I gave NSA a hand. We are searching for their secret nuclear bunkers-oops, I mean THEY are searching for secret bunkers.( Did I say WE?) I used Google Earth to check out the North Koreacakilaki. I found some sweet communal-looking farms. They actually looked pretty productive and agrarian for being in the 'axis of evil' and all other such hysteria.

******
For some reason, I have found myself having these strange conversations with people in my life about, well, frankly, for lack of a better word, "CYBERSPACE". When I was a little girl, the word "CYBERSPACE" had this really Orwellian, Machiavellian connotation. I heard phrases floating around like " soon people will conduct their entire lives in "CYBERSPACE". "CYBERSPACE" was this end all summation of human existence that would simultaneous consolidate all power and eradicate all notions of individual autonomy. It would (according to Popular Mechanics, a magazine my mom ordered for me) "Eventually lead to an entirely electronic form of human existence, with the physical human de-evolving"

Far out.

So, of late, things have gotten really weird. Almost everyone I know has Facebook or Myspace. I find myself checking my Facebook account daily, if not more! I exhibit signs of dependence, I sometimes feel the need to "sneak a quick peak" you know, to see if anyone has written me anything or if Thomas Thkatch has posted any cool new pictures of his new hair, or some old person from my past has tried to dredge up and resurrect my memory.






what's up with this? Almost everyone i know does this ritual DAILY! WOW! Could it be that we have adapted so quickly to an online lifestyle? We not only keep in contact with old friends with "FaceSpace" but we meet/make new ones. We talk about each other. We exchange all sorts of data. A certain string of ones and zeros can be reinterpreted into an image or words, and that image/phrase can make us cry or laugh or just feel.

So i have been hearing about these 'online' worlds, where people spend significant fractions of their waking hours talking to each other, walking around fantasy worlds, killing each other with nailguns, flirting, or living out any manner of fantasy that they might have.

So, I decided to become a tourist in one.

I signed up into this "thing" called Second Life.

Heard of it yet? They prompted me to make up the name for my avatar, I came up with "Ezekiel Radius". They spat me out at this entrance portal with about 50 other people who were just now joining "Second Life". I customized Ezekiel's appearance to look like something that vaguely resembled myself. The biggest problem was that he had the generic Hawaiian cloths (I would have to find or buy better duds).

I spent an hour exploring the "LUSH 3-D ENVIRONMENT". I teleported to some place and met some (real) people who were making (virtual) vintage WWII era aircraft. They were selling them for some sort of arbitrary currency that could be converted in to (real) cash money. To support this economy, the creators of SL have adopted a John Locke sort of Labor-Mixing argument, where "if you make it, you own it".

Honestly, I was pretty amazed.
***********

I snapped out of my reverie when I went to starbucks an got a double expresso. Until "CYBERSPACE" can compete with the flavor of freshly made expresso, there's just no comparison.
********



This Post is Dedicated to Ezekiel Radius (2006-2006). May He Forever Rest In Peace.

Yesterday was an interesting day.

It was downright freaky for a Monday.

As i rode my bike to school, i passed a funeral procession.

I passed several dead animals.

I spent most of the morning scooping some fluffy white crystals that i made in to various vials and tubes, then sticking those things into large machines with lots of buttons. The machines blasted my fluffy white crystals with electrons and infrared light and magnetic fields, and the proceeded to spit out pieces of paper with sqiggly lines scrawled all over them.

The NMR machine honestly reminds me of The Oracle . It is like "sooooooo infallible". It displays these mysterious little peaks that seem to not only test the scientific skill of the chemist, but his ability to be a creative story teller.

Surrounding it, it has these two bold red circles painted on the floor. This is to warn you not to approach the NMR without properly preparing yourself to sacrifice. (you can't have any thing with paramagnetic metal on your person near the machine). Once, out of wrath, it decided to wipe out the memory of my ATM card.

So, after that, i went over to MOES to kiss my lady friend. When she got done with work, we went to the Kudu coffee shop to meet with my friend Christopher Willoughby.

Chris = cool dude. Pondering ideas, Pipe smokin', philosophizing, you name it.

And then, the birthday of Brandon. We walked around and hit some bars. I know what your thinking, but i didn't have any drinks or engage in any lewd conduct or debauchery or contribute to the delinquency of a minor.

well, i suddenly started feeling guilty for not doing my schoolwork, so i am going to go now and make a plot of a diprotic acid being titrated instead of yammering on about such, such and such.

xoxxxXOXXoxXXoXOoXXXXOXOXOXO.

zach

strings of sentance like words

A :.

*

is my bad luck because:

mercury's in retrograde

i dont like karma

*

*

*

B :.

*

Just the facts ma'am

Tell us everything that you saw

and that will be that

*

*

*

C :.

*

we tried to call you

we heard some raspy breathing

it was just your dog

*

*

*

D :.

*

i just can't decide

what i should do with my life

so i write haiku

*

*

*

E :.

*

once i met a girl

but she was out of my league

we are still dating

*

*

*

F :.

*

GlaxoSmithKline

lecture from a researcher

a new pill for fat

*

*

*

G :.

*

hey i know that guy!

two classes; one study group

i forget his name

*

*

*

Here's a couple of poems:


*************************THIRD FLOOR********************
The deserted department
going down and down corridors
lined with endless doors

Before you leave,
put on a long sleeve
lab coat.
to not perish in this perilous place.

it's beyond a predicament.
again and again it's the illusion of safety
the earmark of imperfection
smells reminiscent of caustic cesspools.

good vibrations added dropwise
to endless titrations.

plus or minus parts per billion
before i met myself
i acted so carelessly






****************************Co-Pilot***********************************

Have i forgotten what it's like to live?
Sometimes i live like i have forgotten Truth.
What seemed so axiomatic
now seems so enigmatic.

We found our endpoint together-
i sat next to you. i wouldn't leave.
You hated me. i mistrusted you.
the limit never converged

The earth managed to rotate 360 degrees
before our anger dissipated

ForgiveusYHWH

Forgive me for reaching over you.
Forgive me for turning the wheel.

If only i could make it clear to you
spilling my blood onto newly fallen snow
I doubt you know
how deeply i love you.



*********************************Digital Sin*************************
the temple of zeus
built by hebrew hands

the wrong action for the right reason
acting because fear

even as we called down sulphuric fire from YHWH
finding ourselves secretly worshiping graven images
hidden in secret shrines

Send the prophets into the land.
Send poisoned fire down

for Your purposes:

precipitate so much water
washing away our hypocrisies

evaporate the sweetwater reservoir
till our dry throats call your name

A good day

Hello friends
I hope your day was as good as mine.

wake up, ride bike to school. Go to class get test back. Its 95. Grade accepted. After class, decide to go to top of building. Never been to the top, I have to hang out over a stairwell to climb around a fence door to keep intruders out. Go out to roof. Find ladder on roof. Go to next floor up. Can see entire city. Someone has left a chair here. I sit and read. I find a shady spot and nap. I get woken up by really really loud bell. It's the bell in saint Phillips cathedral. It's adjacent to me. It's the nicest bell to get woken up by. I can actually hear the gears turning. I get up climb back down. Go to research lab. Prepare NMR sample tube. 50 mg unknown + ~ 1.5 ml duterochloroform. Load tube in to NMR machine that looks surprisingly similar to R2D2
run HNMR, CNMR, HQMC, COSY, and DEPT. Spectra looks good.
Ride bike to clutter,Brandon and lily's house. Watch 1 hr of Schindlers list( defiantly low point of day). Ride to hunters house. Work on music for several hours. It seems to be coming together. Yes!

make squash and cheesy scalloped potaytoes for dinner. yes!

sorry for this horrid writing.

love, zach

School. is here.

Hello all my beloved!

I sit in the chemistry reading room right now. I am alone, except for Jenneifer , the dept. secretary, who just added paper to the printing machine.

Since school started, i have been hanging out with alot of machines. They have names like 'Proton NMR' or "Infrared Spectrometer". The disturbing thing is, that i know what they are, and how to use them.

Class is really nice. My favorite class has 6-7 people in it, and we are given pretty much free reign of the lab equipment. The Prof. gave us each an unknown vial of some sort of powder, and two weeks to find out what it is, and to make something new with it.

I just figured mine out. It's called 2-iodo-acetic acid. It turns out to be pretty basic acctually, just vinegar with an iodine molecule swapped out for one of the hydrogens. I think i am going to turn it into some sort of an alcohol, or try refluxing it with ether...i will decide later.

As promised, here are some San Fransisco Pix.

This shot is from the top of an italian restraunt, in the town of "carmel by the sea". They were having scottish day that day, so, I, Uncle John, Jeremy, and Erik all ate gormet pizza, and listened to bagpipe music.


This is from the Big Sur, looking North. If you notice, this geologic formation is essentially mountains being eroded by the sea. The Big Sur...

I found an old abandoned military fort on the peninsula between the Pacific and the Bay. The base had been reconstucted 4 times, and at the time of each reconstruction, the technology was already obsolete. The only gated area their was a NIKE missle launching site (cold war relic)

Just to prove i was really there...

Love and Kisses-

zcah

Hello all. Yesterday, I helped Andrew Dyck move his piano from hunters house on James Island to his house downtown. Mark, Andrew and I loaded the piano into the back of Drews truck, and i jumped into the bed with the piano. As we were driving, i started playing the piano,timidly at first, much louder later. little silly and/or sad songs i had come up with at my parents house. It was so much fun! The sun was shining, the air was delicious. I pretended to be playing the keyboard at a BeeGee's concert, then i was John Cage, then i was playing rock organ for Dylan; all in the back of a truck named after a Zoroastrian god. Going over the connector, some chicks drove by, waving, honking, taking pictures, flashing me (i am kidding about the pictures.) On Calhoun street, some guy was riding next to us blasting a rap beat, with little to no melody over the top. I jammed with his car radio. My texture was the ambient noise of the city. A semi truck filled in the low end. Birds provided the perfect counter melody. A far off jackhammer made a fierce industrial beat to lay some ethereally arpeggiated minor chords over top. I felt like a troubadour, proceeding down King street, anouncing the arrival of celestial royalty.

anyway...

more later..

maybe.

love, zach

Goals in life {unordered}

1. To live the next moment well.

2. Create an album of sound of which meets the following three criterion: beautiful, creative, and honest.

3. Explain a previously unknown phenomenon.

4. Create a cookbook of delicious meals made from readily available inexpensive ingredients.

5. To develop an organic understanding of this physical reality which will blur lines
differentiating physics, chemistry, mathematics and logic.

6. To love, and be loved

7. To please God by sincerely searching for Him

8. To remain idealistic in spite of certain future disappointments

9. To be willing to place my own goals below those of a greater good.

10. To be honest; especially with myself.

A week in San Francisco

Hello. I haven't posted a blog in so long that it took me three tries to remember my password/user account. (usually it take about two times)

I find myself sitting inside a nu-uber coffee drinking local, the kind envisioned by early nineties entrepreneurs. Here, [they might say at a suited-up architectural focus preliminary meeting] "young 22-32 wash ups/ up-and-comings may spend entire afternoons foraging through cyberspace, networking, drinking astonishing amounts of caffeinated products, and doing such things that this age group seems to love.

Yes. There's drum and bass. Yes, there's apple computers. Yes, there's funky light fixtures. Yes, i am playing perfectly into their predetermined planned demographics.

All this to say-at least-i think i know what is going on here.

I met a guy named-i think- ~Bashaln~ on a ferry from Sausolito to downtown SF yesterday. He made a good sum of cash-money from the coffee roasting trade. He admits it's {caffeine} something that can be overdone. He made an interesting observation about extreme coffee drinkers though- They tend to be very 'chilled out' (this is seemingly counterintuitive), they might even have a nice cup of coffee to go to sleep. I think he's onto something.

So, this has been one of the best times of my short life; this last week. Grab a cup of coffee and I'll tell you all about it. First of all, it has seemed simultaneously never-ending and yet astonishingly short.
A week for me is a tricky unit of time...It contains many many 'moments' but not necessarily much linear progress. An hour, for example, is comprehensible, ones attention span can 'span' an hour, but not a week. Location and circumstances are not usually very different from the beginning of an hour to the end of it.
In a week, however, you find your self with the same circumstantial status, but you have probably progressed though many different moods and locations. You have slept (rebooted) seven times. You have a hard time giving a very accurate account of what happened the the past week. BUT a week is so short! Snap your fingers and the week is over!
I am going to go on a very hypothetical limb (keep the chainsaw handy!) and try to divide the human experience into two parts.
Part A, i will call 'events' are short, maybe hearing a bit of news or looking at a beautiful painting or getting into a car accident-they all happen in the order of seconds-minutes. They represent a dimension that i am imagining as 'width' or 'vertical'. This is the space where "Happiness" and "Intelligence" exist.
Part B, which i am calling "existence" is composed of longer term trends, behavior patterns, ideologies. This is where "Contentment" and "Wisdom" exist. Part B happens in the span of years-decades. I see it as a horizontal line.

Here's the thing about weeks. They are equally composed of Part A and Part B. They are the transitional species of time. A week is composed equally of A and B. Weeks are awkward. No one is happy continuously for and entire week, but a week isn't long enough to determine contentment.

i am going to saw of this errant limb right here.

So SF has been awesome. The molecules of oxygen and nitrogen are moving with just the right momentum for optimal heat transfer from my body to the atmosphere. The lack of dihydrogen monoxide dissolved in the gaseous solution leaves me feeling exilerated to be alive. (the weather is great)

good food, people, places, events, sights, smells and on and on. Pictures may go up soon. Taylors wedding was good (it went off without a hitch, er, i mean one hitch...)

Theres too much to talk about really. I am too overwhelmed.

love, zach

Working hard at taking it easy

hello.
It's been one of those 'Collegesque' days today.

One that seems to conjure up imagery of pullovers and football games and a general fraternal spirit.


Act I. morning. the sun has risen for quite a while before a young college student's alarm clock goes off. he rolls over, and hits the snooze button. after a minute, he realizes he's slightly late for class, jumps up, and gives himself a spongebath, brews coffee, and bolts out of the door.

you wake up a little late, but it's ok if you hurry. you can still make coffee if you speed to class. (just kidding!)

(Just kidding about kidding)

ACT II. classroom. The young student sits in class scribbling notes furiously. He raises his hand to ask a question, then lowers his hand, realizing that he knows the answer, and that his question borders on an imaginary situation of a "asking a dumb question"

homework in reading room. (i think) i proved that there are only eight funtions that map a set with 3 elements to a set with 2 elements. (if this is wrong, please let me know before class tomorrow)

i chilled out with friends from lab on top of the science building. We discussed how much entropy were generating, and how our generation is probably the coolest generation. ever. And we invented new karate moves.
in conjuction- i was able to eat some delicious oysters this evening-while i was doing so, i randomly discovered that i have at least one stalker!

just remember- any of you would- be- stalkers, i keep a tazer handy-at all times.

i say this...all the while my hands are still sharpie black, from my oath to never strike a woman.

i went for a walk. i tried to go to the basketball game, but i haven't yet paid my tuition , so they wouldn't let me in.

Jimi Hendrix plays in my iPod. I am working hard at chilling out.

relaxing can be hard work, if you ask me.

Zach: "Ask me if i like to relax!"

You: "zach do you like to relax?"

Zach: "Yes, but it's hard work."

You: "Would you like a back massage?"

Zach: "Why yes, thank you!"


what a foolish dialogue.

i am reading "The Silver Chair" these days.

-it's pretty good. I am picking up on more allegorical imagery in these books now that i am older.

CS lewis pretty much is, like, the greatest writer, like, he totally just says everything, like, so just right! you know? like it's just like he's totally able to capture a abstract metaphysical concept, and totally just make it digestible to kids, you know?


this is just getting rediculous.

love forever,

zach

set theory has got me down for the count ....

hello.

sorry for being so SERIOUS of late.

i have to tell you about this walk that i had the other night.

some person just randomly decided to give me an iPod.

i loaded up the 'Pod, and after studying till 1.30 am ish, i went for a walk-about in downtown Charleston.

Charleston at night, under the influence of Lateralus...

i try to think of cities as Fields full of buildings and exotic fauna

greco-roman architecture.

you can go where ever you like*

empty streets- just walk right down the middle! no-one cares!

anyways, it was so grand.



well, gotta run

z






* to trespass

It too shall burn in the apocolyapse...

hello all. Perhaps my long silence has weeded out my enemies.

Thank you for not writing any nasty comments on my blog about my whereabouts.


want to hear something crazy?

i don't know if it's crazy because it's true, or the other way around...

it's not true because it's not crazy

here it is.

**********

i have never been more content. Never ever.

life is wonderful. i am dead serious. Life is wonderful.

i can't really explain this whole idea, rather, it's more of an abstract idea; a sort of peace that passes all understanding.

************

the funny thing about *happiness* is that it can be difficult to enjoy because one is so acutely aware just how ephemeral the feeling of happiness actually is. To have it, means it will soon be gone.

here's a crazy thought...

here's my breakthorughy...

1. stop trying to be happy!

2. happiness ≠ true joy

3. live in the present moment.


Don't worry about being revolutionary, instead, simply treat the people you live next to, the cashier, your dad, your enemy, with love. it's so easy! and deceptivly hard...

nothing really matters as much as you think it does.


and you really don't have genuine freewill, and live in a free society. Your' surrounded by injustice.

and it's ok!

really it is!

there' kicking me out of the library... gotta go...

i love you.

zach

Sabbatical

Story # 4 .

i sit in in first row, third column (of 8) on the last day of music appreciation class. This class is sort of the perfunctory nod to all modern music(1920-). It is represented by the shortest chapter in the book. a mention Edgard Varese's Poem Electronique. One line about 'post-rock' groups like Radiohead....

i was not even thinking about this class, rather, i was praying to Jesus to intercede to the Father on my behalf somehow teach me german adjective endings.

Professor Pevsner abruptly started talking about the popular music of the Ukraine.

"you guys won't believe what everybody is listening to in the Ukraine" she said. "my friend just got back from there, and she brought me this CD. It's so crazy, Ukrainians are just loving it"

she put a CD, and pressed play.

i hear nothing else but the unmistakable sounds on no one else but the Kingdom Heirs. "I gonna have a lil' walk with JE-Suuuuuuuuus, im a gonna have a little talk with JEEEEEEsusssssss"

the class sat in their chairs; bewildered

i sat in my chair with the sick taste of syrup of ipecac simmering in my gastric juices


she went on..."i don't know how it got there, maybe some foreign exchange student or something left it there. Everyone's listening to it."

Random Student: "don't they know it's Christian music?"
Prof. P: "it's in english, so they don't understand the words."


did i, could i have actually exported one of the most horrific aspects of American culture to the Ukrainians?

is this my legacy? "Zach Stansell, the man who brought Southern Gospel music to Ukraine"?

it was so awkward and unpleasant, that i nearly just got up and left and bought my first ever pack of cigarettes.

but i didn't. i had to get to the bottom of this.

Zach: your not going to believe this! I AM THAT PERSON!
P.Pev: hahah! i cant believe you fell for it! Look!

she had the only kingdom heirs cd of my dads that i didn't find when i left for the Ukraine. on the back of the cd was a 3-M sticky note that said "special delivery, love dad"

my parents had to track down all these people to pull off this joke.

awesome.



p.s.

just the other night, the andrew/sarah/clutter/hunter/amy were all over at my house, and amy wanted to teach us how to square dance.

we pulled the coffee table out of the living room floor, and pushed the sofa back.

the only music that would work, happened to be...

yep, the kingdom heirs....

so, we rocked out to it, once again


love, zach

Spies...

hello there!

I'd like to tell you four short true stories:

STORY [1]

Once, when i was younger than i am now, a southern gospel act came to beaufort. They say some tastes are developed. Whomever 'they' are is wrong. I just never seemed to develop a taste for "southern-gospel music". [i put "southern gospel music" in parenthesis because it's an oxymoron.]

Well, dad loves SGM. Alot evidentially, because after this concert; which i was drug to against my will, dad went down to the merch. Table, and bought every single CD that the "Kingdom Heirs" ever put out.

For some reason, he liked the CD by them called "Feelin' at Home" the very most. So much so, that for many years, all the stansell kids would be awakened on every sunday morning by plucky slide guitars and SUPER-high male vocals crooning about goin' to heavin, and the good'ole'days- This was enough operant conditioning to drive a young kid like me into years of trauma.

STORY [2]

In 2002, i went to the Ukraine. I was there for about 20 days. i took 19 lbs of 'stuff' with me. (this was one of my first experiments with minimalism).

We were to be staying with an unknown host family. Our group leaders told us to bring/take them some 'American' gifts. The only logical idea..."Feeling at Home" into the duffel bag. This killed two birds with one stone.

We gave our Ukrainian dad a leatherman tool, mom got some tea/chocolate, kids got frisbees and pop rocks, and to the entire family;~ a perfect representation of American culture~ The Kingdom Heirs.

They loved all of our gifts.

In one fell swoop of cosmic justice, they happened to own an enormous sound system. Every morning(6 am'ish) we would all be awakened by shrill male voices with harmonies that could only be described as "cutesy"

this happened 19 times.

STORY [3]

i had an odd dream the other night.

I dreamt that i was living in the cold war era, and that i was a spy in USSR. My accomplice was, of all people, my cat Bisquick- aka "boy-black" . He was my Russian-English translator.
When the stakes got really high, Bisquick, no-pun-intended, let the cat out the bag. He started blabbing to a russian guard vital information and such. I had to choke him.

yep, that's my dream.



I will tell you the fourth story soon.

It will make the first three make perfect sense.


love,

zach

Last day o' class.

Hey all. Class is almost over. Yah.

I am trying unsuccessfully to feign enthusiasm.

if i could only slow down, i could begin to reflect on life.
then, i would tell you all about it.

i haven't been creative of late.
i haven't even looped one fruity loop

i haven't even been very nice either.
i bought a box of pop-tarts and kept it in my truck
because i thought my roommate would eat all of them
*****************************

i had a really great saturday though- I worked with Andrew and hunter on Spring island.
We did a crazy amount of work, and had a blast doing it.

We did a house where the owner was growing some "pretty Peruvian purple peppers" that hunter and i ate when we left the job. I thought they were poisonous at first, but turned out to just be really hot.

evidently the active ingredient in peppers, "capsaicin (8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide)" is an irritant to mammals, but does not affect birds. It's function is to discourage eating from herbivores.

anyway, we had a good time talking like college students, and acting like high schoolers.

zach

trLaOnslaStiTon

my name is zachary stansell. I am a unversity student. I like read play bass, and
to hang out with my girlfriend, named clutter. she's really groovy, and a great
kisser. I miss my pet emu. Basically what i am doing here, is using a free
computer translation software program to translate from english to german to
russian to french then back to english. what fun!

My name is tsaharju shtansell '. Me - unfersitju the being studying. I like the
low reading to be played, and with my friend to show is mentioned confusion. It,
is really wrong a big face. I notice the absence of my liked émou. In most cases
that I here make, the computer free program of the software of translation uses
to translate the English language for the German language for the Russian
language for the French language then behind for the English language. By what
cheerfully!

shameless stealing of nick's idea.

hello all

this is an idea i stole from Nick
He's going to be haivng a Haiku party soon, and i need to practice.



im not going crazy
lots of coffee not much sleep
final exam week

played three games of chess
cooked some great quasadillas
my new roommate mark

doppler radar
paints a very bleak picture
the sun is shining

a thanksgiving feast
almost one week ago today
i am still very full

love , zach

Symphony

hello all...

last night i was privileged to get to see+hear the Charleston symphony orchestra perform two of my favorite composers; Tchaikovsky, and Stravinsky.


it's quite tempting to write all of my thoughts/reactions but i won't.



so, here's the craziness-

my new roommate mark moved in this weekend, when i was in beaufort working.

after the symphony, clutter, hunter and amy came of to my hip bachelors pad for a candle-lit dinner with wagon wheel pasta with portabella sauce.

when i opened the door, there was mark- with 5 freshmen girls-blasting rap music-in my house.

it was strange; as i felt like i was not even in my own home.

haha....so, i have adjusting to do.

on the brightside, mark cleaned the house far cleaner than it had ever been- thats pretty cool, i suppose.

i will have to have "a talk" with mark, not "A Talk" but simply "a talk".

well, i must get to school work...

love, zach

Protein-plastic-binary

Hi.

G-d gave me the smackdown last Wednesday.

This is how it happened. While walking to my 'fun' class [music appreciation] i decided to buy i drink (class is 3 hours long). I ended up buying two drinks- two "tall-boys" of green tea (with ginseng...mmm, schmeckt gut!) . I drank both of them during class.

here's a scientific law i just came up with. It's called the law of conservation of bodily fluids.

Σ Fluids into your body - Σ Fluids out of your body = 0

This is just to explain how and why i had to urinate so badly. As soon as class ended, i ran to the bathroom. When the law of conservation of bodily fluids had reached equilibrium, i left.
I had forgotten my backpack in the classroom, so i went back to get it. Fortunately, my professor was still there.

My professor's name is Irena Pevzner. She is Ukrainian, and lived there during the fall of the U.S.S.R.

I then had a 10-minute- life- changing- conversation with her.
Without getting into all of the details, she very simply and humbly reiterated almost everything which i already knew to be true~

She asked me a few questions about my major, and then asked me a really really hard question:

This is the question she asked me ( paraphrased)

" Do you think that entropy is unfair ? "

wow... what a great question.

I said: "i see many things that are not fair in our existence; Rwanda, disrespectful or short sighted students, bad drivers, corporate exploitation...Why should i expect entropy[just a part of nature] to be any different? What sucks is the fact that i can't do anything about it."

Then she said something like: "The sooner you can stop worrying about whether things are fair or not fair, and begin to live life on principals, the better off you will be, and the better off the world will be because of you."

I interpreted this to mean " live what you know is right. Do not get distracted when others aren't living purposely, or on principal, or don't know G-d"

G-d showed me through this little Ukrainian woman, that i have been far to controled by my circumstances, and by the misdeeds of others. I am like Jonah...complaining again and again about the Ninevites, and how much they stink, and ectera.

so, i apologize for the whiny tone of my last blog. I realize that i need to keep persevering; living right independently of others actions, or even circumstances out of my control.

this would be a good segway into another topic, but i have to go move my truck, or the pirates will boot it.

Event

**********************************************************
Life update:

Yesterday, i worked on Kiawah. I washed the windows at a private rental house. No one was there. I listened to baroque music on the stereo. After i was done, i went swimming in the pool.

**********************************************************

Sometimes, i can't wait to graduate.

perhaps it's silly, but occasionally, i feel regret that my college years have not included football games, dorm pranks, trips to Mexico, and constant social interaction.

College (at least now) is really challenging for me. I can barely ever see my girlfriend and other friends; much less write music, or take time to help people. That's how it's been- busy busy busy...It seems like i am living in a zero-sum reality, where, in order to give time to one thing, i have to neglect another thing.

let me say this first:
[I am NOT going crazy. For the most part, i am getting much done, and enjoying my life.]

But it's so easy to question myself- why am i killing myself with this major when i don't even intend to go into the chemical industry? Clearly, i don't want to work for somebody my entire life, much less a giant pharmaceutical. Nothing seems more foolish to me than to spend my entire life neglecting friends and family in order to climb a few rungs up some sort of socio-economic ladder. I know i don't want this to be my destination, which makes me question, "why am i even on this path"?

I do love chemistry and science, but i won't die for them. I keep telling myself to 'stick with it' because you are leaving the greatest possible realm of feasibility open for yourself...but yet...

Life is incredibly short. Life is STUPIDLY short. When compared to eternity, the length of your life is jack squat.

in equation form:

[length of your life] / [eternity] = approaches zero

...so it's becoming very easy for me to be bitter about my classmates, moving around like ants~ in the vain attempt to make money or be something or someone.

As for the realm of possibilities available to me; it is actually as large as i can imagine. Nothing is holding me back! I could go anywhere on earth. Right now, i could just go! Any person in this library, i could start a conversation with.

well, it's time to go to class. i am going to go ahead and publish this blog, even though i didn't even get to the main point i was trying to make.

"a cat died today" and two other sad things

this is cut and pasted from somewhere

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) -- A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Larry Bird.
The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.
"He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey," Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. "We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.
"I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it."

In german class, our teacher, Dr. Nenno, brought in a short German Film, called "Die Schwarzfahrer" (the black rider). It's about 8 min long, and in black and white. The plot goes like this. A black guy gets on a train in some german city, and sits next to this frumpy little german woman. She starts saying all of this hateful stuff, like "there's too many blacks and turks here, and, there breeding like rabbits, and thats why they all have AIDS and"....so on. Meanwhile the black guys isn't saying anything. He just looks blankly ahead. After awhile the conducter come on the intercom and annouces to the passengers that they will be checking tickets, and to please have them ready. Right before the conducter get to the old lady, the black guy GRABS and EATS her ticket! She freaks out, and tells th conductor "the N***** ate my ticket!" and of course, no one belives her....

well, i thought those two things were funny.

love zach

[...]

. hi

.Life just keeps getting mo' crazy every single day, or so it seems.

.things are never what they seem

.or at least it seems like that's true

.seem is a funny word

?is seam and seem an example of a homonym or a homophone

.i never know these things


********************************************************

well, i honestly really feel like complaining right now. I can do all things thru Josh* who strengths me. So i won't.

I had a math test today. i think i did well on it, because i had this gigantic leap in understanding all at the last minute before the test. (here i mean, just knowing what i should know for the test). Basically, here's the idea. We tend to think of all things in 3-D space, you know with x,y,z as the coordinates. In 3-D space i could really describe the location of any object away from me in the (3-D) universe with these x,y, and z coordinates. (to get to the peak of Mt. Mitchell, you go,
(-120 mi x, +250 y, and +5.6 mi z).
Since these are linearly independent vectors, i can span all of 3-D space with these vectors.

like this:

c1 (x) + c2(y) + c3(z)= b

i can pick c1, c2, and c3, to be any number i want, my phone number, pi, my IQ(yes, negative numbers are allowed).....you get the point.

well, here' the point, you don't have to pick x, y, z to be your basis. you can really pick all sorts of crazy things to be your basis.

(t^2+t, t^3-7, t-2) why not have a coordinate system that could span all of 4-D space? Or, polynomial space. or 'n' space (where n= 1,2, 3......Infinity)?! why not! The math all works out (as long as things are 'sub-spaces', which isn't worth talking about here)

It's really crazy stuff, or at least it seems crazy to my simple mind...


so, another cool thing that happened to me was this:

yesterday, i parked my truck downtown at 12.48 pm (exact) , and when i came back an hour later, there was a ticket on me truck. The ticket said the chalk time was 12.05! I fought it. I drove to the ticket place, and politely, but firmly asked them to drop the ticket. I had to wait for a long time. They dropped the ticket.

Things are not hopeless. You have to be strong, yet understanding and courteous. "giving in" based out of convenience will only make this sort of problem worse. Just do it on principal.

**************************************************************************
in other news...
in P-chem lab today, i got to operate the glass making tools! It was really fun.
Kids, remember, "Hot glass looks like Cold glass!"
********************************************************

love forever,
zach


[i think Josh is a better translation of Yeshua than JESUS; i think if he came here today, he would ask to be called "Josh"... I don't really get too nit-picky about words. Words are communication. ]

waiting for lab

hi all.

so, i am waiting for my lab section right now. It's acctually a lab lecture. Blah. Normally, i love this stuff, but it's just sickening right now. It's acctually sort of amusing. There are 17 people sitting in a 20x20 room, all bickering about chemistry. i am trying to block it out. unsucessfully. here's what is being said"

if we lithiate here in the standard fasion, we can pull a proton, rather than undergoing an INTER-molecular reaction, were having a INTRA-molecular reaction,... here' we have a Ar-mono lithiated compound, with a tertiary amine.....

blah blah blah....

well, thats all for now.

z

The answer

hello all. i haven't written in a while...

shame on me.

i guess.

it is my blog after all.

yeah... well, here's what i wanted to put into writing, here on October 19, 2005 using the technique of {L'Orange} i have solved a new problem. here it is.


***********************************
"is the glass half empty or half full?"
***********************************

here's what Wikapedia sez:

"The correct answer can be given if we know how the glass came to be half empty or half full. If the glass was originally full, and half of it was lost in some way, then the glass is half empty. If the glass was originally empty, and half of it was poured into the glass, then the glass is half full. Although, if we do not know how it came to be this way, the question remains without a correct answer"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

although this is a good start, they should apply some L'Orangian thinking to this existential mix of philosophical hogwash. Here's the solution. i drew a picture on "paint" to explain it more simply :






you, see, this question is being asked on earth. Since everyone knows first hand about something called THE ATMOSPHERE, they should know that the glass is both half full of water, and half full of atmosphere...

if you wanted to be anal about it you could break it down like this:

dihydrogen monoxide : 50.000%
nitrogen: 39.04%
oxygen: 10.48%
argon 0.460%
carbon dioxide: 0.016%

with trace hydrogen, neon, helium, methane, krypton, nitric oxide, xenon, and ozone.

the point is, the glass is half full. Why? Simply, it's half full two ways {atmosphere, water}, and half empty in no ways.

Air isn't nothing, in fact, it's more important to you right now that water or food. i bet most people would rather go a day without water than go a day without air.


sorry if this post sounds (whatever word you want to put here).

i just thought it was a funny thought...

love,

zach

How do i ask a question?

Hello there.

If you are like me, then you want some answers.

i am having a rough time here, because i cannot come up with the right question. I was washing windows the other day and was thinking that the way to arrive at solution (x) might actually be to ask the right question...

here i mean x to be nearly any unknown. A good question normally precedes a good answer. I am told that the trick in computer science is to ask the computer the right question. What does the right question look like? I don't know for sure, but here are some thoughts that i have been thinking.

*a good question is timely. It's pertainet now, or even better, it will be pertainet very soon.

*a good question is deep yet uncomplex. It should be as simple as possible, yet never over simplified.

* the question can be tough in it's scope, but as simple as possible to understand.

*The question should be built on a sort of slender assumptions.

*However, it should not violate what is already know to be true without very good cause.{ to quote carl sagan: "Incredible claims require incredible proof"... in other words, i don't need to produce incredible proof that i am in fact a human being, or that 5+5= 10. These are not incredible claims. However if i claim something may be true, but you know it is unlikely, then it requires incredible proof. I.e. " we are just a bunch of brains with electrodes in a vat full of saline solution, and our reality is merely perception". This may be true, but until i am given persuasive evidence for it then i will continue to believe that what i see is what is real. }

*The perfect question cuts through all the fluff.

*you might be asking the question to a computer, to another person, to God or to one of those things that CBC would call divination like 'magic 8-ball's' that you shake and give you an answer, but i think it is always best to ask yourself the question first.

*The best sort of question [in my opinion] when answered, leads to an even better question[which leads to an even better answer, which leads to a better question...} It's sort of an iterative process... each question-answer series seems to converge to a true, pure understanding of reality.

* the asker of the question is initially open minded, with the end goal of coming to a conclusion.

*when the question-answer process is complete, the asker (as in, 'one who asks' . i am making this word up, by the way) is left with
[a.] a more pure answer or
[b.] a unsolvable but reduced problem.

*if [a] then action is usually required

* if [b] then you have either found an unsolvable problem,and or you need to keep trying.


so... i wonder what i should have for lunch today?....

love, zach

AMERICA™

Hello.

I am wearing the first sweater of the year. Earth has progressed enough with it's wobbly orbit to allow this momentous event to occur. All according to prophecy.

Quick synopsis of Zach’s life:

1. I am wearing a sweater.

2. I am getting the flu.

3. School should be easy this week. [Famous last words]

4. Clutter and i have taken up a new hobby. We found a pack of chalk, and have been making tracings of our bodies on the sidewalks (and walls) of Charleston. i traced clutters feet as she walked out of 52x5, a local music sto', and into the street. We had to leave a silhouette there just for good measure.

5. i got to have a really good talk and meal with my neighbor, TJ. He had cooked up some shrimp fried rice, and ribs. We ate them and discussed 'the man' and racism and the futile quest for material goods and 'how to love someone even when it's hard to' amongst other things.

6. I got to have an awesome talk with my friend Rensii (she's from India, and is a Biochem major and a Christian) on top of the science center building. Get this: she's in the process of getting to know a guy that her parents picked out for her-that’s right, arranged marriage. She's very mellow and reserved. She likes to study and to watch WWF professional wrestling.

7. Clutter, Sarah (Dyck), Rensii, and i went to the campus pool friday night. The door was locked. Clutter called campus safety. They unlocked the doors. i set off the alarm just as i was jumping off the high dive. The campus safety rent-a-cops came back, and kicked us out. i got to jump off the high dive. ha-ha.



well, thats it. my clever-o-meter is not giving me any signal.

Auf Weiderholen!

z

œêÕ|Qyq}Öyá§

Hello.

this has been such an intense week. reading, working, solving problems, two tests, two papers...i feel like i am sleepwalking. i find myself in different places at random times doing random things. I should look into getting a coffee IV. Drip, drip, drip....

i had a dream last night, that i was trying to call someone on my [broken] phone, but all the keys were were marked with weird math symbols[like Hamilton operators and such] (no, it wasn't my Ti-86...)

Ben is history. He randomly appeared in a black Volvo sedan with his family. They picked the house cleaner than New Orleans. He didn't leave one coffee cup or roll of toilet paper. I will miss Ben. i will miss his CD player as well. That's such a horrid beastly thing to say. But i said it, and i didn't delete it either. Well, i suppose i see two options here.

option one: God wants to give me a better CD player.
option two: God wants me to give up music for a while.

there's hardly anything more asinine to me than to give up music, so i am hoping for option 1, but i must be willing to accept '2'.

We jammed last night (hunt, drew, BMC, chris D., and i). i thought it went particularly well. we wrote about 1/2 of a song, and then improvised for about 55 min straight. Afterwards, BMC and Kendra came over to my [ransacked] apartment, and we drank coffee. Brandon had some nice smelling pipe tobacco as well. They left, and i stayed up working on linear algebra until i could not.

it rained all night, and i woke up to a flooded city. i saw a car downtown with h2o up to it's headlights. I thought about New Orleans. I had no profound thoughts...i was just sad. You know, behind all the finger pointing , media hype, and and private enterprise's self congratulation, there are so many broken hearted human beings. bottom line~ tragedies occur. and it sucks, for a lot of people, for a long time.


I saw a band last Sunday...i am too embarrassed to tell you who it was though. (i admit, i went because of peer pressure; that's the disclaimer). I saw my German teacher there. This is funny because she is a very tasteful and reserved 40 something woman. It's hilarious because of the band. She was drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette. "Wie geht es Ihnen, Dr. Nenno?" i said to her. She was somewhat inebriated, and ran over to me and gave me a hug. This was awkward for me...you know, just having bombed her test, and all...

Another thing happened to me at the show as well. One of the bands was so bad that Andrew, Liz and i had take a break. we walked out of the venue, went around the corner, and there, in a tapas bar with an Olemec Indian motif, was the magnificent Mr. Nick Jenkins and jazz ensemble. Nick did this drum solo that was like: bu-dum-du-dum-dada-dum-tst-tst-ta-tstu-tst-sa, du-dum-da-duoomboomboomboomba-baboom .

Here's what i was thinking "I am so lucky that i know this guy".
*******************************************************

well, i have a test in a few, i am am going to end this rambling post right here.

or here.

or here.

or he

╘ ╤ ╙ ╓╒ ╫ ?

blog today, no verbs.
check me, no mistakes.

lecture today. new research anti-tuberculosis drug. Drug for 3-world countries. key ingredient? iron.yes. Iron drug equals TB death. 1 billion humans, latent carriers. very good.

work today windows not one speck of dirt not one smudge. no breaks. no quitting.
Now, time for home and time for food.

zach

Rhymes with Orange

L'orange is a word i once made up.

i was trying to get all metaphysical like, and make up a word to explain exactly what i was doing by actually making up the word.

ok, let me explain. Once, i read that the word "orange" has no word that rhymes with it. If you try to freestyle rap using the word "orange", your doomed to fail. It cannot be done. So... i made up a new word that rhymes with "orange"

L'Orange!

heres the definition

L'Orange: "1.the act or process of doing something which negates something else that is said to be absolute, or 2. Proving something thought to be impossible possible by actually doing it, 3. Creating a new definition to solve a unsolvable problem."


so. i ask you to imagine your self holding a giant, delicious orange.

you have several options: you can drop it, throw it, keep holding it, eat it, or think of another action to take with your orange.

it's just a physical object. it occupies space and time. It's at a certain location (your hand) and it exists for a limited amount of time (it will not exit in one year, and did not exist a year ago)

bring some Greek thinking into the mix~ it's giant. It's delicious. It has many properties we asscosiate with oranges. if you were to drop it; it's still an orange, if you held it for a long time, and it rotted, it still would be an orange, albeit, no longer orange in colour or flavor.
[it is not my intention to get bogged down it nit-picky agruments about 'form' and 'objectivity' when well all agree that it is in fact an orange...why cant you pick up 'orangeness?" ect.]


you see. i really don't know if you are holding an orange in your hand. i care. It's worth my time to think about, but ultimately, i do not know if your holding an orange, because i can use tools of science and philosophy to question every bit of evidence that supports that your holding an orange.

i could spin off into more and more questions. [what is orangeness, what if...]

but here's my point. i know your holding an orange. how?Because, I said "your holding an orange". And since were talking about imagination anyway, (my imagination, to be specific), you are indeed holding an orange.

.

the l'orange short-circuits the questioning by making it irrelevant, and it answers the question in the obvious and simple way. It is, to me, like calculus; a tool to evaluate infinity.

*******************************************

here's the problem...i just found out that the word 'L'orange is actutally a flavor of grey-goose vodka.

aww shucks. so much for all that. My L'orange failed me, because "L'orange" Vodka existed before i made up my clever word, so there was indeed a word that rhymed with orange before i made up my word, which calls into question the definition of my word.

sorry for this useless post.

zach

Deutsche Prüfung von Hölle

well, hello to yourself!

thank you for spending the time to read my blog.

the mere fact of you reading my blog [and tacitly showing interest in my life] is both honoring and humbling.

i was going to write a blog complaining about german verb tenses and conjugation. becasue i cant conjugate. and my sentances. are fragments. too choppy. one might say.

i did poorly on my german test today.

but, you don't want to hear complaining. You want to hear about a soul battling fervently against stacked odds, and catching hail mary passes. you want to know how. Your interested in choice A and B and how today i had an epiphany; how i discovered choice C. And C is just a reflection of something you have intuitivly know forever, yet you were never able to define it with a word. It's simplicty and symmetry screams truth and relavence. something you sink your teeth into; something that reveals the intrinsic process behind the madness.

here's the paradigm shift:

[knowlege]
chaos-------------------------------->determinism


so, all this to say~ i must rely on G-d and not myself to pull down the baal of human knowlege+ reason.
****************************************************************


so, i send you all of my love,

zach

the greatest day ever and how i met the other nine

hi!

so, i had an AWFULLY wonderful day today. wanna hear about? If not, stop reading. Right now. Because here it goes.

8.00 am . wake up. Mom has coffee ready. weather is really cool. Call boss. job canceled. get day off. it's ok, have enough money. if not, going to have a great day anyway. eat leisurely breakfast, talk with mom. rusty, magg, bailey, Bisquick, and i go on morning walk.

9.00. grab bottle of h2o, beef jerkey, magicians nephew, and head down to dock.

meditate

swim in river
(there were literally sunshine and yellow butterflies everywhere. i thought there was some sort of butterfly bomb that had exploded)

climb live oak tree. in top of tree, find baby palmetto growing in fork of live oak.

study the social behavior of fiddler crabs

try to estimate number of leaves on large live oak tree

try to balance 4 sticks

discovered a small grove of blueberry bushes

read 75 pgs of MagNeph

played with dogs

came back to house

mom had gifts to give

drank coffee sat on couch watched football bonded with dad

and all that occurred before 2.00 pm


the day actually got better. but the clock reads 5:45 am presently, so tired, with such discontinuous thoughts.

love forever,

zach

hello.

so, three different events occurred today that culminated in me eating a delicious chilidog. First of all, i had my first p-chem test today. i think i did pretty well , but i could be wrong. Secondly, i forgot to bring my lunch to school today. Thirdly, i found $1.86 under the seat of my truck.

these are the three events that led up to me buying and eating a delicious chilidog. It had so many great flavors. Mustard, Onion, Texas Pete, Spicy Chili. Wow. Thanks God.
***********************************************************************************

I am sitting here in the library at Cofc. I saw our friend Nicole a moment ago and said hi. She wanted to go outside and have a cigarette, so i went out to talk with her while she smoked. We discussed our intellectual views on things like feminism/chauvinism, and then we discussed our actual behavior. {she's a radical feminist, by the way, but she doesn't hate me. i asked.}

We both admitted to being a little biased towards our own gender, and we both agreed that this bias was wrong.

"At least we can admit our hypocrisy" said Nicole. "Yeah, it's defiantly the right first step" zach agreed.

As we went back inside the library, i held the door for Nicole. We both laughed. she told me that her ovaries made it impossible for her to open the door. I told her that i didn't care if she had ovaries; i am just independently a nice guy.
*******************************************************

Nicole occasionally has this thing over at her house called "ART NIGHT" where people bring paint and whatnot, turn off cell phones, light candles, and paint for several hours. It's really a neat thing to behold. Clutter and i try to never miss it.
*****************************************************

I got to jam with hunter and Andrew this week. it was pretty sweet. we did this thing where i was playing lead on the high strings of the bass, and drew was playing a bassline on the guitar, while hunter was doing this awesome Arabian drumbeat.

**********************************************************
we had a spelling bee in German today. i went 0/8... OH YEAH!

************************************************************

I grabbed the "chronicles of narnia" from my parents house last weekend. I think this time i am going to start with "The Magicians Nephew", jus

an ridiculousy silly post.

hey guys.

have you ever gone swimming with a lead (as in: Pb) diving belt on?

that is how this week felt.

some weekly statistics (+/- 20 % accuracy):

mi driven: ~ 330

mi walked~ 25

math problems solved~ 75

windows cleaned~ 650

chess games with Robbie: ~ 4

min. spent with Maggie/rusty/Bailey~ 15

posts on blog~ 1

Vermont Private nonfarm establishments with paid employees, 2001

~ 21,449

*****************************************************

math problem: if zach drives roughly 66 miles per day and his truck gets 21 miles to the gallon, and gas prices averages $3.20 per gallon, how much money did zach spend on gas for the last five days?(see soln below)



first, we want to calculate the total number of miles zach drove this week:

66mi/day x 5 days = 330 mi

next we want to calculate how many gallons of gas he needs to get this far:

330 mi x [1gal/21mi] = 15.71 gal

next we want to caculate the cost of this fuel

15.71 gal x [3.30 $/1gal] = $51.84

Zach spent $51.84 on fuel

so, we see with simple unit conversions we can easily calcuate zach's driving expense.


*******************************

so, yeah, i feel depleted and frustrated. It's astonishingly early in the semester too.

*******************


now that i am done venting:

i have had a really great week!
I got to spend some time with my new {better, actually} friend Robbie Geguire.

Robbie is a graduate of Beaufort High School. He just started Cofc and is and is a rising Junior. He likes to drink juice and turn people on to cool new bands. He turned me onto a band called the "fiery furnaces". Cool stuff, robbie! Robbie is an atheist. Robbie and i had lots of good conversations. We talked about cliche things like Religion and Science and the concepts of Music and Beauty, and most importantly~ intrinsic order.

One night, Ben, Robbie, and i walked over to the piggly wiggily. Sarah and Andrew Dyck were shopping there! They were naturally invited over and we made spaghetti and discussed originality of ART.
here are some of the questions that came up:

Is modern ART dead?

Is architecture the new form of ART?

Do you have any Parmesan Cheese?

[Robbie,- joking] how about a giant billboard with a picture of a gun, and underneath the words "Kill Something"?

these broad open-ended questions led to more rhetoric. No questions were clarified. No pasta was sprinkled with that delightful cheese. Robbie, however had a great artistic idea:

"we should get hundreds of square feet of carpet, and carpet a street."

awesome.

Summer/Winter Dualism

Guten Tag, Amigos.

wow. what a terrible terrible salutation!

normally, i would write something like that, then immediately delete it, but i am in a chipper mood right now. SO I WON'T.

hey, some thing strange just happened here in the CofC library. The air conditioner just turned off for 5 minutes then turned back on. It seemed so strange because i have been in the library all summer, and as far as i know it has been running constantly. This must be the first time the ambient temperature has been below whatever temp. they set it at here.

Somehow this seemed so strange to me. The sudden lack noise almost seemed louder, as the AC had been previously masking the hushed human voices.

Also, it immediately made me realize that this summer is really almost over. Sure, the AC will still be running for a few more months, but this small isolated event, seemed to signal the beginning of the end.

Winter Awakens.


The northern hemisphere wobbles just a little farther from the sun, creating a long chain of events that culminates in a tiny piece of fused metal contracting enough to break a circuit. And this series of events forces me to hear the hushed human voices all around me and to contemplate the eternal struggle between Summer and Winter.

well, that's all i can say for now.

love,
zach

The great Cosmic Mind playing both sides of the Chess board.

hi.

today was my very first day of class.

i am so happy because i love to learn. Im' totally stoked about this "linear algebra" class i am going to be taking. Here's a sample question:

Does the Pythagorean Theorem work in 928,735-dimensional space?

The answer is YES! Supposablly, these concepts will allow one to solve Rubix Cubes and Molecular Structures! YES!
...

Right now, your probably thinking, "zach is such a dork/nerd/doofus/twerp."

I have nothing to say about that:, except for the fact that i find these things so incredible fascinating because [to me] they reveal the mind of God.

in my humble opinion, God is not a God of chaos, rather incredible things are generated via a mechanism of chaos.

I suppose i am thinking of a sort of "Anti-Deism". I am defining Deisim here to mean something like:

"The belief that God exists but is not involved in the world. God created all things and set the universe in motion and is no longer involved in its operation."

Ok...Here's what i DO agree with about Deism: Yes, God did create+ set all things into motion. Yes, God does not need to supernaturally intervene very often (some, but probably not everyday)

So, here's the thought that's been coagulating in my mind of late:

God is TOTALLY involved in absolutely everything!



God is constantly using natural means of accomplishing His end goal.

This, to me, is why Science does NOT disprove God. God is MANIPULATING scientific phenomenon with out breaking any of it's rules.

So, lets' say science can in fact "explain" every question. Here's the catch: every explanation generates even MORE questions! It's layers upon layers of explanation. It never really reaches a point of complete exhaustion of fact (or truth)...

Example: in the micro-scale, physicists have yet to find the smallest sub-atomic particle, in fact many believe that the leptrons and hadrons are probably made of even smaller units. Whereas in the macro-scale, we have yet to even find out how large the Universe is.

Science is a Hydra.

It's terrible useful, but it cannot answer life's ultimate problems.

speaking of ultimate problems, it's time for p-chem lab.

Semper Fi;
zach

Strike up the band and play a song, and try hard not to cry...

Hello.

i have so much to tell you about.

these last two days have taken me all aver the place, emotionally, spiritually, geographically.

i suppose without going into the grisly details,- (am i the only one that finds narratives rather tedious?)- i should tell you about the high points and the low points of this latest adventure.


high points~

emotionally: definately about 45 min into the Mars Volta's set. My reaction: cathardic pschyadellic bliss.

geographically: i suppose on of the hills somewhere near Atlanta.

spiritually: Edifying conversation punctuated by delicious coffee and yummy French-toast bagels at Pannis with Clutter and the SARIK in Athens.


low points~

emotionally: realizing a good friend is fast becoming an alcoholic.

geographically: sea level

spiritually: i met and had to deal with a Wellbutrine-popping Type- II- bipolar hoizontally accessible strumpet who was probably being used as a pawn of the prince of the power of the air.



It's so easy to lose focus and get bogged down in everyday concern.

right now, i feel as though i should state the Obvious Colclusion to the Universe:

God will Prevail.

According to my worldview, there is absolultly no discrepancy between YHWY's beautifully self-sustaining mechanism (the universe), with it's laws and intrinsic complexities, and the fact that God's end goal is His glorification.
Before i go too far here, remember that He certainly does care about every single individual. He's probably even interested in the paramecium living under your eyelid right now.

it's like God is throwing Himself a pass, and catching it, and getting the touchdown everytime.

The fact is, He's primarily Self-Interested! God doesn't need us silly humans to accomplish His will. We are a broken species. He's pulling the strings of fate using scientific phenomena. He's not in even in our league. The differece between a human and God is greater than the difference between a man and a molecule. Why do Americans hate to think of a God that thinks of Himself first! Why must we twist theology to place ourselves at the locus of divine attention? If i could only worship God for who He is!

Man centered theology leads to quite a bit of narcissism and worry.


I remember once someone asking "why do bad things happen to good people?"
This flawed question leads to a tough answer. According to Isaiah there is truly not one good person.

"we have all been like unclean things, and our upright deeds are like filthy rags. We wither, all of us, like leaves, and our misdeeds carry us off in the wind." New Jerusalem Trans.

that is so harsh. Basically, man has no rights. We would be fools to even ask for divine justice.
A better question:

"Why does God show Mercy?"

All i know, is that i am grateful for His mercy. I couldn't handle His justice.



***********
STORY TIME
***********

so, last night, after getting back to beaufort, i got a call from bill and Jake. They were planning a caper and needed an accomplice. Even though i am very mature and never do anything irresponsible, i decided it would be wise to tag along- just to make sure things didn't get too out of hand. I met them at Walmart.

Did you know that the Walmart in Beaufort is having a sale right now? One can purchase a 5.0 lb box of foaming laundry detergent for on $2.98?

also, did you know that USC-beaufort just installed a gigantic new fountain in front of the Hargray building?

Also, by sheer coincidence, i happened to have a "Grim-Reaper" cloak in my truck.
Also, by sheer coincidence, Bill happened to have a awesome Pin-stripe suit in the ICEBERG
Also, by sheer coincidence, Jake happened to have a full length London Fog trench coat.

i got into the Grim-Reaper costume and sat in a Wheelchair. Bill put on his pin-stripe suit in the Walmart parking lot and then pushed me into the store.

Good times. Bill would roll me past people and i would cough.

WALMART SECURITY: excuse me, can i help you guys?
BILL: no.
WM SECURITY: um...ok....
GRIM-REAPER: I'll be seeing you soon.....
WM SECURITY: [exits]

***************************************************


Mary-Stewart-Finn. I love you so much. I am so sorry i didn't call you. I did get to sleep next to your cat "Tiger" however. (s)he's a very nice cat.

love,
zach

These golden days...

Hello everyone.

today...my worst fears realized...

but before i tell you about them, let me tell you in short summary form, some small (some might say "petty") events that occurred to me today.

1. (for those who care, my nomadic lifestyle of late has led me to beaufort). my mom woke me up with a cup of coffee made just the way i like it [ Milch ohne Zucker] in a coffee mug with the image of a grinning Labrador retriever screenprinted on it.

{..here zach spent about 5 paragraphs describing how awesome his mom is, but had to postpone posting this info until later..}

2. while i was lying in bed, i read the blurb on the backside of the coffee mug. it said that "chocolate labs are so intelligent that 'it seems as if at any minute they might turn and start speaking'." Imagine me there, lying in bed, giggling and thinking about talking with my choc. Lab; Maggie.

3. my first job was so small that i didn't even get a chance to talk to the owner. it was as though i were some sort of window cleaning ghost haunting her.

4. i then hit the "Land Rover" dealership here in Hilton Head. I had to pray to not get too angry at these urbanites buying gas-guzzulers to drive from their gated community to the factory outlet.

5. today was my fathers 59th birthday. i bought him a birdfeeder. we ate carrot cake. at dinner we discussed what would happen if a space ship were traveling at the speed of light, then turned it's headlights on. Would there be a blob of light that hovered around the ship? I don't feel like explaining the conclusion we came to right now.

6.we called Sarik on speakerphone (that's Sarah, my sister and her husband Erik). I asked erik if he had "knocked my sister up yet"...this really made mom laugh alot...

7. PRAISE GOD! i wont have to deal with the textbook Mafia this year. i found the book i needed (physical-chemistry) for only $19.87 used on Amazon! YES!
***********************************************

well, i am off to see the Mars Volta in Atlanta tomorrow.

till then,
cheers,
tschuss,
mit love,

zach

Dilemmas

Here's the dilemma. it 5.03 am and the thesis statement for this post has not yet been contrived. i have some options though that i would like my readers(haha) to vote on.

1. one of those "deep-heartfelt" blog entries. [with this option, i would tell you in a set of aesthetically pleasing words a real life experience, and my DEEP interpretation of this event. this is important, because in many ways it would illustrate even deeper paradigm shifts in my worldveiw. It's sort of a poignat foreshadowing]
[eg... "Today, i have formally decided to no longer try to be happy. this all occurred after i got coffee with andrew and he said....]

2. a fun blog. it could be a novel idea, or perhaps a particularly meaningful song lyric i heard
[ ex. "lookin' BACK AT ME! I CAN SEE THAT I NEEVA REALLY HAD IT RIGHTnevA meant to beSOOOOOOOOOOCOLLLLD!" so, that song makes me laugh, and mabey smile a little bit... it's not art, but it's defiantly entertainment...but i am not apologizing for liking that butt-rock song anyway, so shut up!]

3. a WILD question-zachs-grip-on-reality conspiracy theory. (need i really give an example?)

4. a narrative blogentry. the purpose of this blog is to keep any casual friends up to date on my doings.
[ex. so the other night, i went out to this house in the middle of a swampy plantation with a few crazy friends and a lot of candles. we drank a bottle of tequila. i acctually had a conversation with the tequlia bottle.
"pepe, your my only true friend!"](this is a fictious example, of course)


well, as always, i am being indecicive. so i just wont write a blogentry.

love zach

Musical walking

so, today i invented a funer way to get around.

i know that "funer" isn't really a word, but it's fun to make up words.

before i tell you about my invention, let me tell you about two shortcomings of the Russian Language. i don't claim to even be able speak Russian, but i do know these two things.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* in Russian, there is no present tense "be". I remember once that Ben was trying to explain the nature of God (haha) to a Ukrainian church. This is what Ben said in English, and what the translator translated.

[BEN:] "GOD IS."

[TRANSLATOR:] "BOG........" (long confused silence followed by 5 min expliantion in russian) ...

*the second shortcoming of the Russian language is that there is no way to say
"We had fun"
------------------------------------------------------

so, today, i was walking and i noticed that my flip-flops (i wonder if there is a Russian word for flip-flop?) were making a regular flip flop sound, so i stared clapping every other step. Pretty soon i was walking down the street coming up with all sorts of awesome beats. For a dramatic effect, i started shaking my hips, to make my caribeanier and keys jangle. this is one of the beats i made


[FF's] flip----flop----flip----flop----flip----flop----flip----flop----
[Keys] ------ Chicha ------- Chicha --------Chicha ------- Chicha
[hands] clap-----------clap-----------clap----------clapclap-------

something like that at least....anyway....i had fun, and that's what's important.

love, 4eva
zach

Thoughts on TIME and SENSATION

Before i die, i want to be able to transcend my concern with TIME and SENSATION.

some have tried very diligently for many years to iterpret SENSATION. They convert physical stimuli into cognizant data, and then recrystalize this into a pure+concentrated tangible, practice.

the eye of a stove.

it's purpose is to become hot, yet it will never do so until a hand turns the knob.

[i have been told] :. -----> [ belief] The atoms in the Iron utilize this unknown energy ,to reach a higher molecular orbit, then drop back down and release heat and a dim red light.

but... the eye continues to give off heat long after my hand turns the eye off.

the dexterous hand operates while the sinister hand becomes burnt.

i try and try and try to cool the eye. The ATMOSPHERE and TIME are the only way to prevail against the heat.

If i were to rewire the oven, to connect the positive to the negative and the negative to the positive. the eye would still become hotter. Yet this is dangerous and unnatural.

what is danger? what is unnatural? Danger is Natural, safety is Unnatural. One sees a human in their most pure form when they are in extreme danger.

this reminds me of a fascinating truce i once observed.

when i was a younger child, after a time of heavy rains, the entire yard was flooded. I walked out on to the stoop of the house, and i saw not only our dogs and cats huddled together but even some small mice were resting up against our dogs and cats (presumably for warmth). To see these 3 species which typically hated one another lying down, and sharing shelter and warmth seemed superficially unnatural to me. The arch enemy's had a truce.

it reminds me of the beautiful biblical description of Utopia~
...and the Lion shall lay down with the Lamb...

as if Distopia and Utopia are only a breath away form each other.

Flood---->a truce of enemy's

Terrorism----> national solidarity

A hot Eye----------------------------> a burnt hand
(time)
A hot Eye------------------------------> equilibrium with surroundings


you see, when the eye cools down, it is mere transferring that heat into the atmosphere. it will stop cooling down the instant it reached room temperature. i know this is elementary, but to me is seems so important that it is not worth assuming it's obviousness.

SENSATION is dangerous.
TIME is the reflux period in which unequal states reach equilibrium.
as long as energy exist (in non heat forms) (electric, kinetic, potential, etc)
this universe will never be in complete equilibrium. ALL OBJECTS IN THE UNIVERSE are just buming around trying to get from a higer state of energy to a lower state

perhaps i will explain/tie this thought together later.

i just don't have enough energy to do it yet.

love , z a c h

Ben and i have been talking a lot of late about G-D.

Ben believes that God can only be a benevolent being.

i am far less certain. I would certainly like to believe He is benevolent.
I certainly don't believe that He's Maoviolent. (spelling?)

But...This isn't what i want to write about this evening.


i should spend the next hundred words describing the incadesent sunrise i saw this morning.

*it was as though the maoeviolent gods were oxidizing elemental Lithium in the stratosphere.

*it was as though the sky were a microscope lens looking at the flesh of Koi

*as though God decided to take up fingerpainting

thats all i have to say for now.

I've' been feeling a little empty of late. Not exactly spiritually, just experientially. You can pray for me if you like.

i feel like i am neglecting others for science.

will explain more later.

love, zach

Do Not fear the War Walrus

Hello all. (this is still making me laugh)

but, i think now clutter might be reading what i am writing

she's picking up what i am laying down

she's smelling what i am walking in

can a one way duck swim in a circle? Clutter can.


anywho...

the 22th was Bill's birthday.

i was washing some windows today and relflecting on bill.

bill is now 19 years old.

he's at that intermediate age, the age where your old enough to die for your country, but not old enough to be responsible enough to drink a beer.

Bill and i have had lots of good times together. i am going to list some of the many things i admire about Bill.

1. his fearless/ruthless/skillful swordplay

2. his hardworking attitude

3. His artistic style

4. getting in arguments with him

5. he can stand up to peer pressure

6. his legendary "Bill Horn"

7. His mountain man alter-ego

8. Bill chugs salsa, and eats habenero's like candy

9. he's a good person to get advice from

10. Who else could drive the IceBerg?


well. Happy birthday Bill. Your a great friend, and a better sushi chef.

will write for food...

hello everyone!

i have decided not to participate in any sort of inside joke with myself, because that's probably not physiologically healthy behavior.

so, last night, after study time, i decided that it would be wonderful to get a meal of food.
[this was a departure from my regular 39 cent staple, chicken and egg soup.]

so, i went to Moe's.
moe's is a "hip" franchise that is probably geared for the beatnik/goateed type.
i tend to shy away from such targeting, but i also really like blackbeans and rice and chicken.
which is what i ordered. Moe's has a simple subway sandwich style setup serving savory selections.

A cool trick i have learned in my life is to ask the frappachino/sandwich/nacho artist (in a good humored sort of way) to build you the Mother of All Drinks/Subs/Nachos. 9 out 10 times, i get a really really good bargain from this request.

well, Eric the nacho artist truly made a masterpiece.

while eating it, i read the Charleston City Paper. The city paper is know for it's yellow journalism, bizarre book reviews, and excellent coverage of local/ touring bands.

i read two articles while eating the Mother of all Nachos.

a. A interview with a man who was simultaneously: A lawyer, a gay porn star, and a Officer in the Marine CORE.

b. a man who felt that his life's work was to live amongst Alaskan grizzly bears, to dispel the myth of their fierce ferocity. Evidently, over the course of 13 years he became quite famous. During the bears hibernation season, he would visit middle schools and daytime talk TV shows explaining the peaceful nature of the misunderstood grizzly. last spring, his luck ran out.
the park rangers found the remains of the grizzly crusader and his girlfriend. What was left they gathered together into a body bag. Their combined weight totaled less than 40 lbs.

what i left of the Mother of all Nachos totaled less than 0.03 grams.

i had committed the venial sin of gluttony.

Gluttony is so overlooked by modern Christians, it seems. At times, i have even seen the church give gluttony hearty approval. Every year, my church has a 'pig pickin'. There are huge vats full of Schweinfliesch that brings the faithful out in droves to mercilessly devour. Everyone eats and eats till they feel high. SERIOUSLY! FOOD IS A DRUG! here are a few bits of evidence off the top of my head to illustrate my point.

a. it alters your mood. People feel cranky and irritable when they haven't eaten for a while (this is a withdraw symptom-----not unlike nicotine). When they have eaten, they feel "full" and warm and happy... Sound familiar?

b. it's highly ritualized...people have special paraphanalia they use for eating. Some people collect pipes and bongs....Others collect silverware and china.

c. people LOVE food. Many plan their free time around eating. They daydream about food. It's sexualized to a large extent.

d. it is abused. This fact is so clearly evident in the United States of America . Do you know what the number one cause of obesity is? Overeating. yep. it's as simple as that. If you eat too much, you get fat. You can take that to the bank.
I just got an organic chemistry test back the other day. one of my classmates told me that she got a 47 on the test. She then told me that she was planning on going out and "Eating alot of Food". She chose to deal with this setback like many people with drug+alcohol problems do. Binge on what makes them feel good.
America's biggest problem isn't potheads or methlabs...Were' crushing ourselves under our own weight. 30%+ of Americans are obese. if my Chinese is right, that's about 90,000,000 humans in the Usa.

Weight Watchers is Alcoholics anonymous for people with food addictions.


you know whats the worst part? I am a part of the problem. Last night, i ate the Mother of all Nachos. I even used my fingers to scrape up little pieces of chicken and melted mozzarella cheese~ long after i had eaten enough for my daily sustenance.

Give us this day our daily supersized uber combo value meal with a half gallon of soda.

When food idolatry combines with vanity, this spawns all sorts of eating disorders such as anorexia, bulima, ectera.

WAKE UP AMERICA!

just because food is "Legal" (i.e. not scheduled....yet) doesn't mean you should be binging on it!



INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY~ is apparently an antiquated notion that our hash smoking founding fathers dreamt up to create a legitimately free society, one where human being (with necessary checks and balances for greed and selfishness) could actually, truly, pursue happiness as they saw fit.

With the way things are going politically, we better get this problem under control soon, because if we don't, you better belive that legislation is going to be enacted to regulate the food industry. Imagine that, obesity being against the law, parents of obese children losing their custody. It's not as far fetched as it sounds.

Last night, i feel as though i urinated on my belief of Individual responsibility. I chose to overeat. It was neither healthy, necessary, or productive. Should the government tell me what i can or cant eat? Emphatically, no. Should i make wise choices about what i put into my body? Emphatically, YES.

You see, Food is GOOD! God made food to taste good! It's a wonderful thing, when done in moderation, with sensibility. Don't ever feel bad for enjoying a delicious meal. But here's my point. America, as group of individuals, has a very serious problem with abusing food. Were killing ourselves. Were perverting the gift that God has given us. Were addicted. We idolize food.

we should eat to live, instead of the other way around.

well, I'm logging off.

zach

hello everyone. this is actually my first ever joke on a anytype of blogger thingy.
here's the joke. i haven't told anyone in the entire world about my desire to create a blog. so, when i say "hello everyone" i am speaking only to myself. (it's quite alright if you don't laugh, besides this is supposed to be a serious undertaking after all) . oh dear, I've' already started this on a bad foot~explaining my jokes and all...

i one had a professor that made an occasional noble attempt at humor. i, of course, laughed out loud out of politeness/obsequiousness, but really this guy wasn't funny. at all. but once, he said this:

" a joke is like a frog, once you dissect it, it's no longer funny"

i guess.


anyway, back to the point i havent even begun to make yet.

this is a serious undertaking to document my life, because i am terrified of death, and feel as though i must capture every event that happens [to me] and interpret it with some sort of existentialist philosophy.

no. no. no.

easy on the sarcasm, mr. stansell.

really[i am not making this up], i feel as though the semi-regular marching myself into the CofC library and hacking out a few thoughts will

1.sharpen my sloppy/rambling speaking/writing style

2. allow loved ones, and hopefully not enemy's to track my progress

3. Share the hope of the joy set before me.

4. a highly cryptic/ambiguous purpose (that i will share here+now)

5. Because Love prevails


thank you for reading this (ha! another lame joke!)

zach.